It's Hard Being Green

During the past few years, the obsession for everything eco-friendly has possessed the lifestyles of many Americans. The ‘green hype’ was started after the premiere of An Inconvenient Truth, a documentary featuring former Vice President Al Gore. Online bill payments have become available by many companies to reduce the use of paper statements. Eco-friendly products are rapidly appearing in the market, such as bedding and towels made from organic cotton, labeled organic foods, vegan cosmetics, and low energy appliances.

Certain areas have made the switch from Styrofoam disposable food boxes to containers that are biodegradable. Will participating in this ‘green hype’ really reduce an individual’s carbon footprint or is it all marketing? That is for the American consumer to decide. However, the real question is: Does participating in all this madness really reduce a person’s carbon footprint or will it just throw one into a heap of indecisiveness?

Paper or plastic?
It is said that plastic bags are evil because it takes 500 years for them to decompose in landfills. So, the better option would be paper, right? It can be recycled and part of it is even made from post-consumer products. Wrong. Paper is still made from trees, which is a cause of deforestation. And, during its production, it generates a huge amount of air pollutants.

Consumers are encouraged to bring their own reusable bags when they go shopping. However, not everybody cares enough or feels comfortable enough to bring their own bag. In that situation, opting for plastic is wiser. It is easier to store and reuse.

Shutdown or standby?
Many college students, especially ones that live on campus, leave their computers on for hours at a time, if not overnight and for days. Their main reason is that their housing fee already includes electricity usage.Another advantage of leaving a computer on is that it increases its longevity. Everytime it is turned on, it’s like giving it a minor heart attack. The immobile hard drives quickly spin up from a stationary position to speeds exceeding thousands of rotations a minute. The process required to make a new PC is nasty and eco-unfriendly. Modern PCs don’t consume much energy in standby mode.

A special report by Forbes.com cautions, “Human life will always leave footprints. The best we can do is tread carefully.”

For more information, visit: http://www.forbes.com/2008/07/24/green-choices-consumer-tech-paperplastic08-cx_de_0724intro.html.

Guilty Disregard

Does it make me a horrible person if I say I don’t care about the latest San Bruno tragedy? Or the worldwide earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, or even 9/11 from nine years ago. I don’t care does not mean it never happened. I am just not compelled to provide aid or call to action, especially through my Facebook status. After all, everyone knows the status update is going to be replaced by thoughts of food within the hour. That goes for everyone else too.

The first thought that came to my mind when I saw pictures on my Facebook news feed and on my other tab coincidentally opened to Huffington Post was Wow, we’re on national news. You have to admit, San Francisco isn’t the place for interesting news stories. We don’t have hurricanes because we are protected by the bay. We don’t have any important governmental landmarks that terrorists would want to destroy. So until the long, overdue earthquake occurs, we got nothing.

I am not exactly asking for something catastrophic to happen. I just wish we were more news-worthy.

The second thought that came to mind was Thirty-seven homes destroyed and damaged? Like flattened destroyed? Finally! Something interesting is happening around here. Yes, flattened destroyed. And I really shouldn’t be ecstatic over what just occurred. I can’t imagine a plot of land that was once occupied is now flattened to the ground. It is as exciting as seeing snow for the first time. New Yorkers and surrounding states got to see Ground Zero. Now we have our little Ground Zero.

I know I’m not being sensitive to this issue. Judge me all you want, at least I am outwardly admitting it instead of faking sympathy through a Facebook update.

Although my compassion is unmoved, my heart goes out to all those families who lost their homes. You would be an inspiration to me to see you rebuild your lives. I know I wouldn’t have the courage and strength to do that.


San Bruno Explosion: Photos Of The Fire's Aftermath Paint A Bigger Picture

A.D. 2010, I am so done with you

I can’t wait another second to proclaim that 2010 has been the WORST year in my 22 (going on 23) years of existence.

This is for the world to see. Some of you have heard bits and pieces of my ‘rough patch’. Most of it contains gaps, things that would have made a big difference in my story, for fear of judgment.

This is going to be the complete truth. I don’t care if there is going to be hurt feelings, guilt feelings, or any feeling that this may illicit. I don’t care if I sound pathetic, nor do I want your pity. I’ve just had enough of these 365 - ~90 days.

January 1 and on…
I started out the year losing my boyfriend (for a lack of a better word) of four years. I made the bad choice of going out with someone else from the same group of friends. I truly regret that decision. If I didn’t do that, I WOULD NOT BE IN THIS MESS. After that, the group of friends just fell apart. He wouldn’t go if she was going. Hurt feelings everywhere. I had no one to go to because everyone had their own broken hearts to deal with.

While I was with the ‘friend’, I was miserable. The more I got to know him, the more he wasn’t what I thought he was. We were polar opposites. He was dragging me down from my normally cheerful façade. All at the same time, it took three months to accept the fact that the relationship with the ‘boyfriend’ was unsalvageable. It also took a bit of cognitive behavior therapy to get me to that point.

Employed
After two months of full time job searching, I finally landed a job. This is probably the only good (long-lasting) thing about this year. I love this job. I have great coworkers and this is what I wanted as a career. But I feel really unstable. Sometimes I feel like I’m not meant to do this. My lab techniques aren’t that great, which really impinge on my job duties. And sometimes I feel like I’m not being proactive enough for them to keep me on as a full time employee.

Family
Although my relationship with my family got better the last four years, I don’t feel like we’re close enough for them to be asking so much of me. I’m not afraid to say we’re in financial troubles. But with kids in college, who isn’t? I do contribute, but I feel guilty for not being compelled to. I feel guilty for not spending as much time with my sister. I don’t feel compelled to. I’m even ashamed to explain why I don’t hang out with my sister when people ask. When I’m home, I hide out in my room like I did in college. I just don’t get that warm, loving, homey feeling.

And after the whole break up thing, my mom just kept bugging me about salvaging the relationship or me being pathetic for being home on weekends. Really, mom, I know you want to brag about having the most awesomest daughter who has everything, but even the most awesomest people go through rough times. And if you’re not going to help me get through this, at least don’t make it worse. It was driving me crazy; crazy enough to make me start looking for apartments that would take all of my paychecks.

Finally things were looking up (or so I thought)
There were five days out of the however many days of 2010 it’s been, that I’ve felt pure happiness like I did before all this mess. I started seeing this one guy from work. I really don’t know if I regret this or not. Being with him was amazing, but of course ‘too good to be true’ is always ‘too good to be true’. He was perfect; perfect as in he had all the qualities I looked for in someone. I can tell you this was not a rebound feeling. I can’t believe I fell head over heels for him. And I’m always kicking myself for it. I told myself I wouldn’t do that after all the pain I’ve been through in the past.

One of the reasons the ‘boyfriend’ and I broke up was because I was continually seeing other people. I just didn’t receive the affection or attention I needed from him. So while I was crying over how bad I felt for hurting him like that, my friends asked me, When are you going to stop? How much [attention] is enough for you? My truthful answer was: I don’t know. But being with this guy, I wasn’t only willing but I wanted to make all the attention from other guys to stop. I had everything I needed. I told him about my commitment issues and my fears of a relationship because I really believed this was going to work out. In the end, it was too good to be true. It ended as quickly as it started.

I go to work every day being professional. No one suspected anything except for the people I told. Even then, they think I’m over him. Every day, I walk by his desk hoping to get a glimpse of him. There was that one day he walked by and said hi, I could feel my heart jump out of my chest for a second. I kicked myself for that.

Moping
Of course there will be some moping and wallowing after a heartbreak. The traditional technique of moping includes (1) losing focus at work, (2) consuming a lot of junk food, and (3) watching a lot of TV. I did eat a lot of junk food but that’s just a regular habit of mine. So the only traditional moping I did was watching a lot of TV.

But it’s Abby. I never do things in the traditional sense. For a month, I kicked up my workout schedule a notch (or two). Here was my workout schedule:

Sunday Open swim training
Monday Bikram Yoga
Tuesday Jogging at the beach (walk/jog for ~2 miles)
Wednesday Pool swimming (swim a mile or varying workout)

It only lasted a month because I succumbed to fatigue. And it takes me forever to recover. Exercising was always an outlet for me, especially swimming. I took it a little too far this time. I used exercise as a distraction from everything. Being around and in water puts me into a different realm. Jogging fulfils my fantasy of running endlessly and maybe, hopefully (please) someone will run after me and hold me tight.

Narcissism
With all that exercising, I became obsessed with my body. I enjoyed all the catcalls I received as I was running along the beach. I enjoyed looking at myself in the mirror while doing yoga. I love the skin-tight fit my wetsuit provided. I enjoyed the looks I get from people as I walked down the street. People were just feeding me all this attention. How could I resist? But after a while, I felt empty because people no longer loved me for my inner beauty.

Anti-Narcissism
So maybe there are still plenty of people who love me for my inner beauty. But only because I make myself sound so self-important. I sometimes really hate that about myself. I have all these guys swooning over me because they find me both physically attractive and intellectually attractive. Last year, I would’ve had my calendar all booked up. Now, I’m rejecting one after another. Seriously, why do these ‘meetings’ have to have romantic intentions?

In the meantime…
No, I haven’t only been moping about my ill-fortune. I’ve also taken this opportunity to grow. I am proactively conquering my fear of success. I am not just using exercise as a coping mechanism; I am also training to achieve my goal of swimming from Alcatraz. I am taking classes to expand my general knowledge. I am also working on my writing.

Getting through all this
I don’t know if any of this seems oh-so-tragic to you. But you aren’t the one going through all this so you don’t count. It has been hell for me and things don’t seem to be looking up anytime soon.

So how did I survive all this? I would like to say thanks to Kelly Clarkson, OneRepublic, The All-American Rejects, and Selena Gomez. I wouldn’t have gotten through all these nights without you guys lulling me to sleep with your empowering lyrics.

I’ve looked to superstitions day after day to get me through. I read my daily horoscope every morning to provide some insight to the upcoming day. I wish for a good day at the ‘Rainbow Tunnel’ during my commute.

I’ve come to the ends of my strength. I really can’t take anymore of this crap.